sexta-feira, 23 de outubro de 2015

Definitions

Infatuation.
Affection.
Love.
We cannot choose who we will fall in love with.

Sometimes, it's a sudden thing. Pheromones trigger a reaction and before you know it, you're following this person's every move with your eyes, as if you were hypnotized. It can disintegrate in the same sudden manner if you find out there's something about them you dislike.

Other times, it's something that's cultivated over time, and grows steadily with time spent or things done together. You enjoy their company and would be glad to do that more often. You think of them at odd times, remember little things they like and get them unusual gifts for no apparent reason. It's a comfortable place, although it may not grow further.

Then, there's that feeling that sweeps you off your feet. You want to sing, dance in the rain, walk on the beach just because. You also think of them at odd times, like when you're shopping or driving home from work and you just wish they were there, going home with you. It would be glorious... if sometimes it didn't happen about the "wrong" people. I'm not talking about folks with dubious behaviour - just people who can't give you what you want. People who can't love you back, either because you don't look the way they idealize their match, or because they think of you just as a good friend, or, finally, because they're already in a relationship and therefore unavailable. Either way, they cannot reciprocate and you're stuck with an unrequited affection. That's what makes them "wrong".

But... if you think further, the person may be "wrong" for you, but that doesn't mean your feelings are. Yes, you're in love with someone who does not love you back. That sucks, big time. But if the feeling itself makes you sing, or dance, or write, and see the world differently, and bet the highest stake on being the best version of yourself you can be, can you truly say that's a bad thing?

Well, I won't. Being in love inspires me in a multitude of ways into doing new things, or things I always liked but have let them get sidetracked, like writing. The fact that my feelings aren't reciprocated does not rob them of their value. I cherish them, and the way they make me feel so alive, like I've awakened from a long slumber. Sure, I would prefer to be cuddling with you in bed instead of writing about it. But the fact that I'm writing again, and so often, is itself a small wonder, and I should thank you for that. Our lips may never come together, and our bodies will most likely never melt into each other in a slow dance of passion and lust, but that does not mean I will stop smiling at the mere thought of you - like I'm doing right now.

The truth is, you may never know it is you I am writing about, here - because, out of this place, I do not show a sign or word betraying how I feel about you. It would be a freak accident if you guessed the truth, for it would put us both in an awkward situation. No matter how much I'd want you to love me back, you will not see your name here, you will not hear my voice crying for this unrequited affection.

You may be the "wrong" person, but there's nothing wrong about being in love with you. And that makes all the difference.

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