A middle aged love letter

My beloved,

You are not the half I seek, because I do not need another half to complete me; I am whole.
But you make more of me: more aware of the world and myself, more courageous in attitudes, with more strength to face days when everything seems to go wrong, more compassionate towards others, more interested in causes that transcend me.
More human, maybe.
Less egocentric for sure.

I love (more of) myself while I'm with you and since you've entered my life.
It is as if your serenity was contagious, allowing me to slow down and embrace more of what surrounds me with a deeper look.
It is as if, looking at the stars, I ceased to think only of black holes and my own smallness and instead stare in awe at the existence of galaxies and all possibilities.

With you I (re)discover resilience, but also hope, especially that we can try to leave our children a world, if not better per se, at least more capable of correcting the mistakes of past generations and ours. And I (re)discover the importance of giving my best even in the smallest things, regardless of others considering them insignificant

With you I feel like a better and more capable Human Being.
I admire you for what you are, for your faith in human kind, in learning and in the ability of making a difference, even when so many things show up in your way to make you stumble.
I love all of this in you, and I can love myself more, for what I am becoming as you show me what is that is possible to be.

I love you, not with the angst of teenagers, or the anxiety of making everything right of the young adults we both were once, but with the tranquility of those who know who they are and yet know they can go much further.

The awareness of mortality, of the finitude of human life and of the countless factors that can shorten it do not drive me to rush or fear, but rather increase my awe at something as simple and yet as sublime as Love. And also gratitude for being able to live it and appreciate it with the enriched emotional capacity which was given to me by age and that you have made to increase.

I love you like the sea - for the sea is as old as the world itself and at the same time it is all of its parts, from the placid bays to the deep abysses, from the stormy tides to the playful surf of waves on the beach, and can both affront cliffs or spread lazily on the sands.

I love you, simply and completely.
And although I go to sleep every night longing for your arms, I wake up every morning thankful for your presence in my life.

Always.

Saudade

Guardo-te no coração (já o sabias): aqui junto da aorta, de onde o sangue te leva ao resto do meu corpo uma vez e outra, e outra, num ciclo permanente, vital.
Mas faltas-me, na boca deserta do teu beijo e em todo o lado onde a pele guarda a memória da tua.

 

Longing

Drifting

Perdida num mar opaco
sob as estrelas indiferentes
observo o azimute corrompido

(não sei para onde ir a partir daqui)

A cor esvaiu-se no horizonte

e o vento, em fúria, levou

a esperança de te rever

(a dor, a dor rouba-me as forças)

Desalentada, deito-me no convés

e adormeço à sombra

dos amanhãs vazios de ti.

P.S.

Seria mais fácil se conseguisse chorar,

fazer o luto pelo que ficou pelo caminho;

mas a frieza cirúrgica com que te afastaste

cortou-me a linha central

entre o coração e os olhos.